Essays and worked examples on changing unwanted habits

The Psychology of Quitting

Understand the argument that keeps bringing you back

Two footpaths diverging through a misty meadow at dawn
Between the urge and the action there is usually a second step.

The latest essay · 2 October 2026

The Difference Between Having an Urge and Giving Yourself Permission

An urge happens to you. Permission is something you grant. Telling them apart gives you a moment to choose.

In short

Urges are frequent and mostly unproblematic: in experience-sampling research, people report many desires and resist the ones that conflict with their goals, with uneven success. What usually turns an urge into an action is a permission-giving thought such as “just this once” or “I’ll do it tomorrow”. Trying to push an urge out of your mind can backfire, while observing it as a passing event has modest support. The part you can most usefully examine is the permission, not the urge.

11 sources · checked 16 October 2026Read the essay

Essay · 11 September 2026

Why Wanting to Quit Does Not Mean Wanting Every Part of Quitting

You can sincerely want the outcome and still dread the losses. Naming both sides is where a workable plan starts.

Why you can want to quit a habit and still resist it: what research on ambivalence shows, a worked example, and an exercise for mapping what you’d lose.

6 sources · checked 16 October 2026

Essay · 21 August 2026

“I Deserve This”: Examining a Thought Without Dismissing Your Needs

The thought usually bundles a real need with one particular way of meeting it. Separating the two is where the choice comes back.

Why “I deserve this” is so persuasive, what research on justifications shows, and a worked CBT and REBT example for examining it without ignoring your needs.

10 sources · checked 16 October 2026

The urge is not an argument. The permission is.

From “The Difference Between Having an Urge and Giving Yourself Permission”

An index of lines

Things you might hear yourself say

They often sound reasonable. That is the point. Each one is examined, without dismissing what it is asking for, in the essay beside it.

How the essays work

Every essay turns on a worked example.

The people in them are fictional, written to illustrate the process. Each essay opens with a short answer, says how strong the evidence is, and ends with its sources and the date they were checked.

The research comes mostly from lab studies and from therapy for clinical problems, not from everyday habits. The essays say so where it matters.

  1. The situation. Sam’s Friday-evening shopping basket. Tom’s awkward email. Priya’s work phone.
  2. Thought, feeling, urge and action, pulled apart.
  3. What continuing provides. The habit is doing something real.
  4. Examining the thought: evidence, another reading, the cost.
  5. A balanced response you might actually believe.
  6. A modest experiment for a week or two.
  7. Reflection questions for afterwards.