"It's Just a Phase": Waiting for the Habit to Pass on Its Own

The word “phase” contains a built-in ending. Phases are temporary by definition: they arrive, they run their course, they leave. When you call a behavior a phase, you borrow all of that reassurance without checking whether it applies.

Some behaviors genuinely are phases. The question is whether this one is fading or whether “phase” is the label the habit uses to avoid scrutiny.

What the thought is doing

“It’s just a phase” acknowledges the behavior without committing to change. This is what makes it more comfortable than denial: the person is not saying there is no problem. They are saying the problem has an expiry date. And if it expires on its own, no effort is required.

The thought appeals because it offers patience as a strategy. Patience is a virtue. Patience requires no awkward conversations, no withdrawal, no confrontation with what the habit has been doing. You simply wait.

What habit research says about waiting

The difficulty is that habits, by nature, do not fade through passivity. Research on habit formation shows that behaviors become more automatic with repetition, not less [1]. A frequently cited study found that the median time for a new daily behavior to become automatic was 66 days, with a range from 18 to 254 days [1]. The process runs in one direction: more practice means more automaticity.

A comprehensive review of habit psychology describes habits as context-cued, automatic responses that persist because the environment keeps triggering them [3]. They do not wear out. If the context stays the same, the behavior stays the same. And a review of how “habit” is used in health research found that automaticity, the defining feature of a habit, is distinct from frequency [4]. A behavior can happen often without being habitual, and a highly automatic behavior can persist even when the person no longer particularly wants it to.

For a phase to end, something must change. Either the behavior itself loses its appeal, the environment shifts, or the person actively intervenes. Waiting, without any of these, is not patience. It is stasis.

A fictional example

The following is an illustrative example, not a real person’s story.

Leo started vaping at university to manage exam stress. After graduation, he told himself it was a student thing and he would naturally stop once life settled down. That was three years ago.

• What he thinks: “This isn’t who I am long-term. It’s just left over from a stressful period.”
• What he feels: Mild concern occasionally, quickly soothed by the phase narrative.
• What he does: Continues vaping daily, with the same frequency as at university. Notices that “the phase” has now lasted longer than the period that supposedly caused it.

Leo’s habit has not faded. The environment changed, the stress levels changed, but the behavior found new contexts: after meals, during work breaks, before bed. It adapted, which is what habits do [6].

When behaviors do resolve on their own

Natural recovery is real. Research on alcohol problems has documented that a meaningful proportion of people reduce or stop problematic drinking without formal treatment [2]. A prospective study found that natural resolution was predicted by economic factors and the availability of alternative rewards, not by the passage of time alone [5].

The critical insight is that natural recovery is not passive. It is usually associated with a change in circumstances: a new relationship, a health scare, a career shift, a change in social group. The person’s life changes, and the habit loses its context or its function. Time is involved, but time is not the active ingredient.

If your circumstances have not changed and the behavior has not decreased, waiting for the phase to end is waiting for a bus that is not coming.

Testing whether it is actually a phase

A genuine phase shows a downward trend. Check these:

1. Frequency. Is it happening less often than it was three months ago? Six months ago?
2. Intensity. When it happens, is it milder, shorter, or less consuming?
3. Context. Has it stayed in its original context, or has it migrated to new situations?
4. Effort. Is the reduction happening on its own, or are you having to actively resist?

If the answers show a clear downward trend across multiple dimensions, it may genuinely be fading. If they show stability or spread, the behavior has settled in, and “phase” is the story that keeps it there.

For the thought that uses a future event instead of time to postpone quitting, see “I’ll quit after this event”. For the version that defers action to a specific day, see “I’ll start Monday”.

When to get more support. If a “phase” has lasted more than a year without any reduction, or if the behavior is causing problems with health, work or relationships, it is worth talking to someone. Your GP, a counselor or a specialist service can help you assess the situation clearly. In the US, SAMHSA’s National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) offers free, confidential referral. In the UK, your GP can direct you to local services. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 in the US, or contact Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK and Ireland.